Will I ever be normal again?

The problem I already the answer to that question, and it's no. I have changed forever and the person that I used to be I will never be again. I will always have a different way of thinking, different way I look at things and who I wanted to be will always be different. I know going back to who I used to be would mean I would have never got pregnant and never would have never experienced the death of my daughter. That part of my life would have never happened. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat just to have her living in me again, but there's days were I just want 1 day that doesn't have heartache. The heartache I live with will never leave, yes not so painful but it will always ache for her. I guess I just want to be somewhat normal again.... The Anxiety about everything that I am unable to control would subside

. When will this happen, a year, five, ten or never??