Constant Reminders..

Like many of you know when I first found out that we were pregnant we were ecstatic  We changed so many things in our life for this newest edition. We knew we needed a bigger car. We got rid of my horrible little SUV and upgraded it to a Tahoe with a 3rd row. We needed that third row because our second row was going to be filled with 2 perfect kids. Now all I have is a empty spot in our car, where she should be at. After we purchased the Tahoe we realized that our sons toys were taking over the house. We needed more room, so we finished the basement. It was all done by my husband and his friend and took around 3 months but it was finished. We were so excited to add more toys to it, we were hoping it would be girl toys, we didn't know yet she was actually girl. Now I have a basement FILLED with these huge boy toys and not one girl toy. Addison will never have toys at our house, she will have things that remind us of her. I get into that SUV everyday to go to work. I always wonder how much different my life would be. I go downstairs each time laundry needs to be done or Brent wants to play, and I wonder how much my life would be different with her. She should be 5 months right now if she was born full term. Instead it will 8 months next week since she was born, sleeping. I have these constant reminders of what should be.. and what will never be..

and Life moves on....

It's been awhile since I literally had time to sit down and actually do some writing. With a new job and getting used to be a full time worker and Mom once again, I am exhausted. So far I am really enjoying the new job, position and challenges,  I am really missing my little man while at work though. I always say, I don't understand how I can miss him so much but the second I get home he can drive me crazy ;). It's amazing how such a little person like him can just make my day. I am truly thankful to have my little guy, right by my side.

Tomorrow marks a milestone in my husbands and I relationship  Amazingly we have been married for 5 years tomorrow. How fast has those five years have gone!! Plus it is not only our 5 year anniversary but that is the same exact day we started dated 10 years ago. Yes I was in highschool, and we were YOUNG, but I did marry my best friend, and again thankful to have him always by my side.

While trying to go to sleep and my mind was going a million miles a minute, I started to think where I was just 1 year ago today. I was pregnant,  with my sweet Addison. I would be just around the 10 week mark, slowly and anxiously trying to get past the first 12 weeks. I never knew how much scarier my life would be after that. I always thought once I past that mark, you were good, clear..

I just can't believe how much my life has changed in just 1 short year. I have lived through so much heartache I don't know how I have survived. 1 year ago I never ever thought I could give birth to such a beautiful daughter but within the same day hand her over and never hold her again.

My life is starting to move on. The new job keeps my mind very busy. I of course think of Addison all throughout the day but the tears have become less. I am at the weird spot of my life I feel. I started a new job where no one knows what I have gone through. When is the right time to bring it up? I really have been wanting to bring Addison's sunset picture in to work to have at my desk, but I am just not ready for the questions yet. It's weird how much I want to talk about her, but I feel like I need to shield her to. I know soon enough she will be brought up, and Addison will enter into a new person's life.


One day soon Addison's sunset will be set on my desk, but till then I have the reminder on my phone.