About Me

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Hi my name is Heather. I have been married to my best friend since 11/03/2007. We have a healthy son Brent a angel daughter Addison, healthy rainbow Iva and a angel son Pierson. We are just a family that loves each other and tries to spend as much time together. We have learned from all of our past we appreciate the little things in life.

Monday, September 17, 2012

6 Months ago...

6 Months ago around this time I was in labor getting ready to meet my beautiful daughter. There is not an hour in a day that I do not think about her. Or what should be... I miss her terribly and wish I could wake up from this terrible nightmare. Did I really loose her? Sometimes it feels like a figment of my imagination that she ever existed.
What would my life be like with my 3 month old daughter today? What would Brent be like as a big brother? 6 months later is just as hard as 5 months ago. The pain hasn't become any less; all it does is become manageable. You are able to manage when you have a complete breakdown.

I think one of the hardest things about a loss is what you remember but many don't. I know nobody but I will remember that today it has been 6 months since she was born. This day actually has been hard for me to anticipate. I have lived without Addison physically here for half a year. 6 months, is a long time. But I have my whole life to keep anticipated another milestone, next will be her 1 year angelversary..

Addison,
You already know how much I truly miss you. I am sorry you are not here with me physically, but I know you are always with me. I really wish things would have been different, and you were in my arms today. I have come to peace that no matter how much I wish I could have changed things, I am unable to. I walk out each morning when it's still dark out and to the left of me there is always beautiful shining star. I like to think it's you, shining down on me and saying Good Morning. Brent and I talk about you often and how he has a baby sister Addison. Last week Brent told me he loved and missed you and told me you were in heaven. Brent would have been a good big brother, of course some bullying but that's what older brothers are good for. Of course you would have been Daddies little girl. And my little dress up girl, with all the pink and purple girly outfits. We wanted you so badly Addison, you were the one that was suppose to complete our Knowlton family. I hope you know how much I love you, and how much I just want to hold you. I know one day we will be together again, forever. I love you Addison, and I hope your having fun playing with all the other angels in heaven.

Love always your Mommie...
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


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