I wish this upon NO ONE!!

NO matter how bad of a person you are, what you have done wrong in your life, I wish this upon no one. Loosing a baby is a constant battle you live with everyday. I know with time, it will become bearable. But, with time it will never go away. The emptiness I feel in my heart won't ever be filled. The only way it will be filled is if Addison was here with me.

I sometimes think, I can not believe this has happened. Has this really happened to me? Will I ever wake up from this nightmare? There are literally split seconds during my day, where I forget, but within a split second I remember the nightmare I have been living with for the last 9 months.

September is the month I found out I was pregnant. We were trying, and we were excited to gain a new family member. By January my whole world was flipped upside down. All the dreams I had for this new little baby, were gone. Everything was dismissed, the chose I had to make were unfair to make. Was I going to do a funeral, was I going to bury or cremate her? Those are decisions you should never have to make for your child.  

She was suppose to complete our family. I always dreamed of having a boy and girl, that’s all I wanted. I wasn't asking for 6 children, I just wanted 2. I have 2 now, but one I will never hold, never kiss, never know. It's just not fair.

I wish this upon no one.