12 Week NT Scan

We got pregnant a little unexpected with this baby. Iva was just over a year and let me tell you all it takes is that ONE time, I mean ONE time, that is it!! But even though we had that ONE time happen we were both so ecstatic about it. We new after Iva our rainbow we would want more, she was the sweetest baby and she brought so much joy into our lives. I new before that positive test popped up that I was pregnant, I just had that feeling. We kept it to ourselves for a couple of weeks. But there were times in the beginning I would have extreme anxiety about it. There were a lot of same things happening at that time that lined up with the timeline of Addison as well.
1 major thing was the due date, Addison's was June 11th and this one was June 9th. I really tried to push that to the side.
Another similarity was when we got pregnant with Addison we needed the basement to get finished so we could get more play area. In the early months we finished our basement with Addison. After Addison was born I needed a change so we sold and built a new house. A couple of weeks before finding out I was pregnant with this baby we hired a contractor to start to finish the new house basement. So another similar thing.
Lastly there was early bleeding, but I also had that with Iva but less. I tried so, so hard to push that anxiety feeling away, but at times I couldn't shake it.
We didn't see my MFM with this baby yet because our rainbow was so easy we figured we would be good. My regular OBGYN gave me a choice between the NT scan or the blood test and essentially we could find out as early as 12 weeks what the sex was. Even though finding out the sex was way more exciting I new I needed to see the baby, I knew that would be the only way to see how the baby was doing.
I had my appt right at 12 weeks, it was a Friday. I was so excited to see my little bean on the big screen. I actually had 3 ultrasounds before this 12 week mark because my obgyn likes to see the heart beat at 8 weeks, I had bleeding so we wanted to make sure everything was fine and the 3rd time just because.  But her equipment was horrible, just horrible it was just a blurry blob! I was full anxiety but I tried to pass it off like nothing was wrong. Then the tech came in.. They had no medical history of Addison whatsoever. I noted on the worksheet about Addison and she was stillborn so the tech had some additionally questions for me. I answered and she started the ultrasound. And their baby bean was on the big screen, this little baby that I loved so much already.
I asked her how is the baby laying and she said that it was on his back, and that's when I saw it. I could see the cystic hygroma, my heart sank and tears started to swelter already. All I could think is I can't believe I am here again... The tech wasn't really doing much measuring but kept looking at the head and the profile to see how far the cystic hygroma went down on the babies body. It was not even 5 mins and she was done and sending the dr in. She walked out and I looked at Carl and I said the baby has a cystic hygroma, I think he already new it and could see it as well. We both couldn't believe we were here again, in this sterile room with drs that know nothing praying that what we saw was wrong.
Dr came in and he started his spiel... Once I started talking he knew that I knew a lot more then most other people did. He could tell I have been through this before. So their wasn't really much more information he could give me. I asked him how large it was, they didn't measure because it was big enough. I asked him to measure it and it was the same size Addison's was 6.2. I asked if he saw movement with the baby. Anyone that has had a baby or lost a baby that had arthrogyposis knows you always watch for movement. The tech didn't she saw that pocket of fluid and that was it she was done with that exam. So he response was " ummmm I think I did", seriously its not a think honey its yes or a no.   But the dr had the courage to tell me that its most likely not what Addison had. I nodded because now I know this guy is a moron. He asked me what I wanted to do and I said I wanted to see my MFM, he understood gave me paperwork to get bloodwork done so I could find out the sex and that was it!
I left just heartbroken, walking down those long hospital hallways completely and utterly heartbroken all over again. I knew deep down in side it was exactly what Addison had.