Day Three-Self Portrait After Loss

I never took any pictures with Addison, so I have none that were of me right after her loss. But she was born on March 17th and this was taken on April 29th on my birthday. My wonderful husband got me a flower cake for my birthday. But at this point I was just starting to wear my makeup again and the crying was more manageable. I had alot of makeup on because I kept crying and smearing it off that day. This is a nice picture of me, but I don't like it. That's the person I see everyday and I feel so different now. I am not the person I used to be in my old pictures. Behind my eyes are heartache, guilt and anger. I didn't have that before.