My thoughts over the weekend...

A couple of days ago I posted about the power of prayer and miracle babies. And I realized while talking with a girlfriend over the weekend I did have a prayer answered with Addison.

At our 19 week anatomy scan there were alot of abnormalities that they were finding in Addison. All of them being just almost cosmetic but with a group of them together typically means a syndrome or a chromosome abnormality. That was the first I have ever heard of Trisomy 13 and Trisomy 18. Many of you that have been through a loss know exactly what those two abnormalities mean, fatal. Well I guess I have to say fatal in the doctor’s eyes. When they first mentioned those two issues and explained what they were I was devasted. Honestly, with the group of things that was going on with Addison it really did lean to those two problems. We did decide to get the amnio done.

Carl and I did talk about if it was one of those two problems we would talk about termination. We weren't set on actually doing that but it seemed like almost everyone did. We had to wait for 2 days to get the results back. Within those 2 days I found success stories of living beautiful babies with either Trisomy 13 or 18. I started to lean against termination. I knew deep down if I ever did that I would never forgive myself. I would always wonder the what if. But I am not sure if Carl was on the same page as me.

I prayed and prayed those 2 days for my results to come back negative. I wanted to keep Addison forever but I didn't want to decide when her life was going to end if she did have Trisomy 13 or 18. I prayed and asked God please don't let me make this decision. Please if she isn't suppose to live let it be something else, please don't let me make the decision. And my prayer was answered. My results came back negative and we never once thought about termination after that.

Yes, in the end she did pass but I didn't have to make the decision. She made it, and I am so blessed she stayed with me as long as she did. She really fought hard, being so sick for so long. She was stubborn like me, and strong willed like me. I wish all my other prayers were answered and I would have a beautiful daughter in my arms now, but I did have a prayer answered and I thank God for that.