Driving into work this morning..

On Monday and Thursdays my husband and I typically drive to work together. We do not work at the same place but we literally work down the street from each other. But, that all changes next week when I start my new job!! But anyways, we were driving to work this morning and we were talking about vacations and when we should take one with our son Brent. Brent is just 3 and we have debated for awhile about what is the perfect age. Carl and I don't take simple vacations typically. We have always taken pretty decent ones. Our next is this February a 7 day Caribbean cruise that leaves out of Puerto Rico. So when we take a vacation with Brent we want to make sure he will be old enough to remember because the cost of it.

Carl and I have recently started talking about when we should start trying for a new baby. I am just getting comfortable about it, but honestly still scared as hell. But, I actually talk about the subject now. With the new job starting and the better benefits we will have I want to be there ATLEAST a year before we think about a baby. I like to plan alot of things and trying to get pregnant is something we have always planned with our last two pregnancies. We also like to have summer babies. Brent is in July and Addison's should have been in June. The birthday parties are easier and funnier to plan, I know it’s weird. But this is something we like to do.

So, we were talking about the age difference that we are most likely looking at between our son now and if we would have another baby. It would be a little over 5 years. To me this is a huge gap but I know deep down the gap is going to be more then a blessing then anything. Brent, will be that big brother helping his little sibling out. As we were talking Carl says something like when Brent has his brother. I looked at him and I said “you think were going to have a boy next don't you?” Carl says “you know we are”, and I said “you know I think that will still be perfect”. Then Carl said “of course it will be but I still want a little daughter”. It just broke my heart when he said that. Because, technically he does have his little daughter, but it's not the same. Carl was over joyed when we found out we were having a daughter, deep down he wanted her to be tied around his finger. I forget at times that all my dreams were shattered after Addison was born but so was Carl's as well. I know he had all these dreams for her, the Daddy daughter dances in the future, the cuddly time with daddy and just having a daughter and now he might not ever know what its like to have a living daughter.  It just breaks my heart.