7 Months today....

As I look at the calendar I see it's the 17th. Each month goes by and around the 17th my heart gets heavy again, and the pain comes to surface. Always around this time, it's a natural thing, something that I don't even notice until I notice the date.

It is unbelievably that I am still here 7 months later. The day I left the hospital with empty arms, was the worst day of my life. I honestly didn't think that I would survive. The pain in my heart was so intense that at times still, it's hard to breath. That pain is still there but it comes in waves. Tears are always with me, but some days are more painful then others.

I think about her just as much as any Mother would think about there child. My thoughts are much different though. I just wish I could just spend one more hour with her. Just to hold her again, to tell her how much I loved her.

The nurse took her away from me 7 months ago, and I never said goodbye, I never said I love you. There are so many regrets now 7 months later, that I wish I would have done differently after she was born.