Power of Prayer and Miracle babies..

Sometimes this subject will urke me. I love to see or hear a miracle story. There is nothing better to see a new post from one of my groups telling a miracle story of their newest baby. I never ever want anyone to loose their baby because I lost Addison. But it kinda of makes me upset when I see and read in their stories that because they prayed or because they went to church they were given a miracle.

First of all, I prayed so so hard for Addison to be born alive and one day come home with me. I prayed every single second I thought about her, I begged God to let her live. Maybe I didn't go to church but I believed that he was the one that could heal her and yes let her come home with me one day. So when I read miracle stories saying the power of prayer can heal babies really makes me upset. It's like I didn't do that, so thats why she isn't here anymore. I know most of these stories are not saying anything like that, but in my eyes I feel like I am judged.

I also do feel of twinge of jealousy. Why wasn't Addison a miracle? Why wasn't my prayer answered? Is it because I don't go to church, or because I don't have knowledge of the bible? If I did would she have been born alive? These are all the questions I have inside my little brain all the time.

Deep down inside for me to be able to handle each day without Addison I have to believe she was only meant for a short period. She chose me as a Mother even though she knew she was going to be an angel. I like to think she chose me because I showed a lifetime of love in just 28 weeks, and in turn she showed me a lifetime of love. I will forever miss Addison and love her with every inch of my myself.